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So it’s no secret that America in general is a much heavier nation than China, even though McDonalds and KFC are trying their best to fix this. However, because these fast food options aren’t readily available to us here in Xinjiang (there isn’t a McDonald’s anywhere and KFC is too expensive!) we’ve actually lost a lot of weight since moving here two years ago. We eat healthier, eat less, and walk everywhere.

Then we take a one-month vacation back to America.

If the title of this post didn’t clue you in, then let me give you a snippet of the conversation I had with our friend who picked us up at the airport upon first leaving the baggage claim area in Urumqi:

Josh: Hey! It’s good to see you! Thanks for coming to pick us up, even though it’s 1a.m. in the morning. How has your summer been?

Friend: Hey! Wow…you look fat.

Josh: Well….gee….thanks?

Yea, that pretty much starts my year off on a good foot. Tiff, thankfully, didn’t receive such a warm welcome as I did. Apparently she still looks slim. So let me see if I can do this tactfully and yet respectfully:

• (in a serious, respectful and loving voice) Mom (Summers and Gerber), thank you so much for taking care of us while we were back in America. You cooked us some of the best meals I’ve had all year and reminded me of why there’s no way on earth we could permanently relocate to China. The time you spent preparing the food did not go unnoticed and everything was absolutely delicious.
• (in a somewhat sarcastic, somewhat dejected tone) Mom (Summers and Gerber), don’t you know I eat whatever is put in front of me?! Weren’t you the one who taught me when I was younger to clean my plate?! Then why, for goodness sakes, would you fill my plate up, night after finger-licking night, with heaps of irresistible food? I live in a country where calling people “fat” is a national pastime, so for future’s sake could we please try to remedy this?

Don’t forget, I love you both, and I am now officially done with my rant. Thank you.